If only Santa were darker, more mysterious…a rotund, Twilightian psycho, the world’s “most dangerous jolly old elf” – why every young woman would want to ride on his sleigh. Take this St. Nick: “Everything about me invites you in – my beard, my belly, my red suit – even my three hose.” He even jets through the air like a vampire and transforms into something…hairy and white in the light. Good to know Robert Pattinson will have a career well into his portly old man years.